I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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