i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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