I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
