it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are we still banned from the library?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
