If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We're too hungover to prance.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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