we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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