his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
