Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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