So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
