she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
