So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
