A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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