Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
