I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
