i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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