Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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