Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Randomize
