dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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