She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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