Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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