he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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