3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
