youre lurking in front of me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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