My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
