Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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