I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
