watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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