You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
