Your mouth is God's brothel.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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