I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
