I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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