Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
