I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
