There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
