We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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