you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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