I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
