I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
