TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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