i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize