Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
