pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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