ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
