It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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