i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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