I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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