I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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