So drunk its hurt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
