Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
