idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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