umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am available for nakedness
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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