We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
