I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
