She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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