Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
