Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
