So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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