My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
