Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize