Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
