were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
