I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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