This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
