I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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