hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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