great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
