At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
