Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
