Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
