Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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